Missing You
by callmeGreen-Eyes
Summary: Ginny Weasley quickly discovers her thoughts wander far too much for her to write simple letters, especially to those she misses most...


Disclaimer, I only own the words, not the characters. I wish.

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MISSING YOU

Maybe I actually do love you. It only makes sense, I mean, why else would this hurt so badly? I feel like the giant squid is in my chest, pulling and squeezing my heart so much that at any moment it might break. Of course, everyone is worried. Okay, not everyone. But those of us who are fighting for the Light worry about you. We hardly ever hear anything about you, or Ron, or Hermione, and the three of you are really our only hope. If you die, everyone is _screwed_. So of course they're all worried. But I'm not really "worried," per say. I'm more… terrified. I'm terrified that you're never going to come back to me. Maybe you die in this. No one knows. But I know you and Hermione and my brother well enough to find that possibility very slim. Well, rather slim.

I couldn't handle you dying at first. But I would at least try to cope with what is left of life before the suicidal thoughts would kick in. Honestly though, I'm more worried that this war is going to destroy you. Not kill, destroy. Yes, there is a difference. A man can die without ever being destroyed. Your father and Sirius Black were two such examples. They were killed, murdered, but they went down fighting. They were still themselves as that last breath floated away. There was something within them to kill. I'm afraid that you'll come back already dead, regardless of your beating heart. I'm afraid you'll see too much hardship, too much death, too much pain, and you won't be able to be you anymore. Mostly, I'm afraid they'll destroy you before you can come back to me. Because if that happens… you might as well have died and left us all to fend for ourselves anyway. I need you, the way you are, with or without all your limbs attached. I need the boy behind the dorky glasses and green eyes; I need the boy beneath the scar.

Sometimes I do worry that they'll kill you though. I mean, Merlin knows you're a dead man if they catch you. I'm counting on Hermione (and Ron too, I suppose) to keep you safe(ish). And seeing what's going on at school… it's a good thing you didn't come back, let me tell you. Nothing would ever get accomplished if you were here, mainly because they'd pack you off to you-know-who—oh, fuck it, LORD VOLDEMORT—without a moment's notice or hesitation. I don't know how you knew you had to stay away, but I'm glad you did, even if it meant not seeing you for a long time. And it's been such a long time, Harry…

Still, sometimes I stupidly wish you were here. Thank heavens Neville has finally grown some balls, otherwise there would only be little ol' me getting into trouble all the time. I worry about him sometimes, though. He reacts and rebels with no thought of his personal safety or health, and he hasn't had a bruise- or scratch-free face since the first week of school. Because, of course, now that the greasy git is headmaster, corporeal punishment is the best punishment there is, and the harder you beat 'em, the more rewarded you are. Oddly enough, he still won't let them just kill us (especially those of us that are particularly annoying, a.k.a. Neville and Luna (and me sometimes too!)). I guess we should be grateful for that. But… I feel like you could do the most damage, you know? Of course, you _are_ doing the most damage possible, attempting to kill Voldemort and whatnot, but I can't completely think outside of Hogwarts yet. My safety net isn't totally shattered, but all that is holding it together now is hope for you.

I don't have anything else I can give you. Hope, and love I suppose. But neither of those is really useful in a war, are they? Still, if you needed me I would be there—what's the Muggle phrase?—oh yeah, faster than a speedy bulled. Or something. I would be there faster than you could say Aloha Mora, and I know you've gotten pretty sharp with your charm shooting. And the disturbing thing is, after Dumbledore's funeral, I knew you had broken up with me to protect me, and for the first time in my life I was okay with being protected. After growing up with six older brothers spending what felt like all their free time protecting you, one gets sick of it. But you did it, and it was legitimate. I understood your reasoning, and I was okay with it.

Never again, though, by the way. Next time you decide you're going to go hunt some evil mastermind with my youngest oldest brother and one of the few girls I actually really like, I am coming with. I trust them completely to take care of you, but I can help. It's really only my mother keeping me at school. Voldemort is scary, yeah, but my mother is _fucking terrifying_. _Especially _when angry. You can't even LOOK at her the 'wrong' way without a bomb going off in your face. I'm sure you'd tell me that you'd seen my mother angry before and she wasn't that bad, but trust me, that was not 'anger.' That was either 'mild irritation' or 'slightly upset.' This is a whole different level. Even I have only seen it once or twice. I had a nightmare the first time. Just remember: Molly Weasleythreat to public safety when pissed.

Granted, it takes a lot to get her that way, but I think leaving school to go fight scary-snake-men is pushing the boundaries a bit. I would face death for you, Harry, but facing my mom is the one thing I won't do. You should have seen her when she found out about Ron. She couldn't really stop him—I mean, he was putting the Weasley name in history books, defeating the world's most evil wizard ever, putting an end to the war, AND helping his best friends. She was probably downright proud of him, actually. But she couldn't let anyone know that, especially since she had preached endlessly to him and I about finishing school after the whole Fred/George Flyaway. Oh well. I think if you survive… if she survives… if we survive… I think she'll gush over you worse than she ever has, and personally, I think it'll be HILARIOUS.

You know, I have spent this entire letter rambling, when I started it in order to tell you that I am in love with you, and that I miss you. And I don't think I've said any of that. I don't care about the Boy Who Lived, except that he also just happens the boy I love, this wonderful wizard by the name of Harry James Potter. I've always had feelings for you, but I think as I've grown and matured so have they, and now I'm sitting here in my dorm with a couple of girls snoring away across the room, and I'm in love. At least, I think I am. Don't worry, I'm not going to start planning our wedding or anything, but if it happened to be in the summer I wouldn't mind. Just kidding.

Of course, now that I think about it, I couldn't really say no to you. I'm not telling you I want you to propose to me. I'm definitely not ready for marriage. But if you asked… well, let's just say it would be a very long engagement period that eventually ended in a beautiful outdoors wedding. I mean… I have NOT been planning our wedding. I just… I love you. A lot. And I miss you, so much.

Unfortunately, none of what I write actually matters anymore, because I've written enough stalker-y-ness by now that I'm burning this letter. So… GARGLING RADISHES WITH TOPHATS AND CANDLES THAT FOUNTAIN UNDER A CHEESEY MOON!!


End file.
